Life

"But its mine too!"

Are the words that you say.

You act like what I'm going thru is no work, all play.

One second your fine,

the next theres a crime.

Its always her fault. 

always his mess.

and I'm the one in the 40 dollar dresss, yeah

its myyyyy fault.

and I doooo care.

and now I have all of this perfect hair. that your gettin' for me now now

its myyyy fault. 

and all I can say is please.

lets get thru this.

lets be a family!

im tired of waking up alone.

your only leaving a note saying your not home.

bein in italy, wont fix that! no!

its myyyy fault.

I understand.

I keep on blocking up what needs to be cleared

I keep on being the reason for your beers.

its ok if you keep it to your self. 

but let me tell you, im grown up myself.

I feel like I have the mother, not the father,

I feel like I'm not even the daughter.

lets get thru this, 

lets be a family.

cuz its myyyy fault.

and now Im spinning, I cant seeeeeee!

Its myyyyy cause, 

I'm saving the family.

Itssss myyyyyy faaault.

I see, I see, I seeeeeeeee.

I tryed my hardest

I loved, i cried, I held tight, what was mine.

I tryed to give allt he right signs. 

She said, they said.

All the same things.

Why does it matter?

What she thinks

The passion, the love

The peaceful dove, 

the hope the joy, 

my small chew toy.

The backpack full of memories and fun

has been thrown away, and now were done.

I cried, I smiled, im crying again.

I wish this never even had to begin!

Love.

Everyone elses voices sound like screams.

But yours is like an angel.

They all try to point out the negatives,

when your living in them and trying to make it better.

Tears trickle down my face, breaking at my chin.

Because I'm metioned and noticed in your world.

Its all the same with the rest.

Your like then piece of turkey in all the chicken.

The only one I want to have.

So, just Thank you.

I dont know what else to do or say right now.

Good inside now.

I grab my bag and head for the door.

Feelings poor out as I remember I have done this before.

A tear rips down my cheek landing in the corner of my mouth.

I just had to, stupid me, get up off this amazing couch.

I could have hung out for a while and stayed.

But again, I left and made that horrible mistake.

I was given the words "I'm done"

And that was the end of my stupid fun. 

Time passes, feelings regret.

I'm happy that the past is the past.

Forgiveness is in the air.

I smell it outdoors.

I no longer am wearing my "i dont care" makeup.

I have unclogged my pores.

An air hug would have been nice.

I'll never get it now.

Atleast, atleast. Its good inside now.

Although, is it supposed to be? I dont know how.

I love you, Amanda.

Bff.

Mother..

I pick up your scent, the hair that you shed.

But I still dont understand what happened, when you left.

I fell asleep, my head in your arms.

I woke up alone, to my alarm.

I picked up my phone, and put it back to the side.

I knew I was in for a boring ride.

The next day you call me, I hang up the phone.

I was already lonely, I didnt need to hear your voice, for I knew I'd cry and moan.

Two weeks have past, I celebrate 09

I wish you were there with me, sipping your wine.

A birthday has past, its now the second.

I think of you now, in the present.

To be continued.......